Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
