just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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