I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
