You made me cry and you don't even care
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i think i just lost a toe
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
