Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's even glitter on my cock...
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