Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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