I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
