Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
