JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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