you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
