Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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