Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're a waste of cheezeits
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
