she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
