Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
