So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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