It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
