Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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