the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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