well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
