is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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