when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
