I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
