dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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