I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
