Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize