my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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