why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize