Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
