that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
