So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
