ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
