he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
