I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
