I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so explain again why im purple
no
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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