I swear she didn't look like that last week.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
