My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
