so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish you could order shots online.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize