You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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