check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
