we have officially lost it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
