i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
