I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
