I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
