so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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