Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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