I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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