can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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