We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
