there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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