how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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