Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
