Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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