i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
