i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
