I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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