I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
