I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
