Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
