i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize