I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he thought i was a dude.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
