Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
