of course. lets lasso hookers.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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