I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
