i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
