We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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