The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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