how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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