you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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