wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
