I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
