My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
