My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
