Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize