I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
