take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
